People are amazed; they’re calling his virus the best infection ever. Well before his personal encounter with the pandemic, however, the president had finalized plans for an edifice that will celebrate his legacy and promote his values once he leaves office.
Housing this panoramic collection will require something colossal, dwarfing, for instance, presidential libraries exalting Abraham Lincoln, Franklin D. Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush. And yes, much, much larger even than the planned Barack Obama Presidential Center in Chicago.
The site: Mar-a-Lago.
Here is where the Donald J. Trump Incredible Presidential Library, Museum and Golf Resort will preserve papers, artifacts and other historical materials that define Trumpism. Its beautiful uniqueness will be something to behold, with docent tours of permanent interactive exhibits that include the Mary Trump Strangletorium and Media Disembowelment features. Visitors signing the Add-Me-To-Mount Rushmore petition will have special access to the Lock Her Up Nook with its highly amusing Hillary Clinton Shackled and Waterboarded rendering.
Some other highlights:
Artistic Restroom Areas. The president is about transforming the functional into fun. Hence, toilet bowls with Joe Biden’s face, Barack Obama urinals and James Comey bidets. And a surprise, Nancy Pelosi-imprint toilet issue (rolls available for purchase in the gift shop).
The Chapel. The president insisted on visitors having access to a solemn sanctuary where they can pray for the souls of liberal elites and watch a video of Mike Pence reciting his favorite Bible-inspired scripture: Trust in Donald T. Trump with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Clorox and Hydroxychloroquine Tasting Room: Group fun as everyone takes a swig and compares hallucinations.
In His Image Hair Flap Comb Over Tintorium. An opportunity for visitors to have their coifs replicate the president’s and faces painted orange by professionals.
Fake News. A selection of interviews in which the biased media mistreat the greatest president ever. Special interactive feature: ask him a question yourself and hear (the president’s actual voice) that you’re nasty. Before leaving, press a button and blow up The New York Times building.
Rudy’s Teeth Funhouse. An activity for the family. Adults will have a laugh at the Michael Cohen life-sized dart board. And kids will have scary fun in the wierd-mirrored Brain of Twisted Fantasies after entering through giant photograph of Rudy Giuliani’s mouth.
Paranoia Playhouse, featuring a daily staging of the stunning new dramatic production, “The Proud Boys in the Band.” At a birthday party in Trump Tower, a surprise guest and a drunken game leave seven bare-chested, bearded buddies reckoning with unspoken feelings about immigration policy and other buried truths.
Alternative Facts and Respelling Bee Rooms. Something educational for the kids, ongoing classes with lesson plans personally created by the smartest, most knowledgeable president ever. Included is a special feature for adults, Cognizance Corner: Is it a kangaroo or an elephant? Match wits, if you can, with the president.
Refreshment. For hungry appetites, visitors can grab a bite at the casual Café Borscht or the more formal Law and Your Order, Please.
Security. No losers will be allowed inside the Donald T. Trump Incredible Presidential Library, Museum and Golf Resort. The wall will keep them out.
Rosenbeast 